Current Music: Kill the Switch - Circle Takes the Square
I can't stop coughing for more than a few minutes and the effort is rubbing my throat raw and making my ab muscles cramp. I don't even want to use the effort to breathe anymore, it just all seems like such an effort in futility. Nothing is going to come to me, I am never going to be more than the sum of my my parts, which while amounting to a large mass of fat, doesn't bode well for any hope of being more than reconstituted dog food. I am a waste of perfectly good space. I hate the fact that I am still here. I hate this stupid house and my stupid family and my stupid face with my stupid blind eyes that seem to always be brimming over with tears making me feel sad or angry or upset which makes the crying worse. I hate being stupid and negative and useless. Even being upset about it only proves the point that I cant be more than what I am, an impotent child, full of inexpressible rage and more than useless emotion. There is bile in my throat, acid roiling in my stomach, filling in all the spaces from my stomach on the way to my throat.
I deserve less than nothing. No one can find use for me anymore. I'm spent. I'm little more than nothing if only because I exist for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment