And I know you're dreaming of your future

Current Music: Elseworth - For My Next Trick I Will Set Myself on Fire

I.am.bored.with.life. There is nothing left for me. I have no desire to do anything or, even, everything. I'm sick of this living habit I picked up. A junkie for new experiences. Call it withdraw from that but I don't want to be alive anymore.

I don't care about the things I thought I wanted to do before I died, I really don't anymore. Disappointment follows my steps, dogging each thing I wished for.

I feel like my head is too full to accept even one more thought and then something else happens and I have to deal and on and on and on. I try to explain this feeling but I'm so alone with it. I feel like such a burden on the people who still call me friend as it is, I don't know how I keep justifying holding these wonderful people down.

Morbid as it might be, I kinda wish there was such a thing as the Battle Royale. I know that the Program is the "evil" acting in the story, but I think that I could benefit from the game right now. Even if I died. I know, my state of mind, or anyone's for that matter, is worth the lives of 41 children and the sanity of the 42nd. With so little focus, it is hard to keep in mind what really matters.

I doubt I would have the time to be so down about everything if I wasn't so well off. It's selfish and stupid and petty for me to always be feeling this way. I just can't shake these feelings though. It's . . . It's really crap. I'm crap. I'm an awful person and I don't know how to fix it without faking everything about who I am.